wei__`x

我，不完美。

2011-12-07T22:55:00.003+08:00

我，
只是个平凡的人，
没你想象中的完美。
我，
不值得。

人，
总矛盾。
很多话，难言。
很想说个明白，可没勇气。
友情－珍贵啊。。

你我，
再不舍得也得舍得。

有一天，你一定会幸福。
你，
加油。

Solace

2011-12-06T20:26:00.003+08:00

Uh huh, an entry after more than a year.

As I grew older, I realize this page would be a place where I seek solace, not in hope that anyone would read it. I hope no one will, that they have long forgotten the existence of this little site.

Again, it has come to a point I just have to pen down my thoughts; let it be a secret between you and me.

So long, my longest confident.

You have been more than a friend - a close friend, or even the best friend I have had.
Time to time, I do not, did not know how, when, where to start a conversation to have my thoughts delivered to this messy earth. It's all cramped in my head and it's all messed up in there.
I hate knowing what you have done for me, the sacrifices, everything. I had to stop you, but I hate knowing things would change from then. It will, believe me.
I not blind; I sense, I feel, and I see what has been going on.
And I'm definitely clear what has been going on.

Tell me what to do.
I need the distance, but I need this friend.

.............
There, this little blog of mine.
I'm sorry you have been filled with too much agony of mine.
But don't worry, you are secret friend.

A note to self

2010-07-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

A shadow that is cast behind the smile.
The frown that is hidden behind the mask.

Now I started wondering as to how masks were even created.
Mr. X who wanted to hide his emotions behind it?
Or just that Mr. Y has a self-proclaimed 'ugly' face?

Not saying that I'm unhappy.
But I guess I'll have to learn to talk, when there's a need to.
I always end up contradicting with how I'm feeling inside, and worse still, bottle up all the frustrations which obviously and eventually leads to me being unhappy.

I was told, share it cos' the others won't know what I'm thinking.
But when I do so, I end up upsetting both parties.
At this point of time, as always, I feel like slapping myself.
I can't think what's right, what's wrong.
I can't make decisions.

I should be less harsh on myself instead of slapping myself with reality, my own definition of reality all the time.
I need to learn.

I need to be a better person...
For him, for my parents, my friends..
But ultimately, for myself, my own good.

Sigh.

Updates

2010-07-20T23:01:00.002+08:00

I have isolated this blog far too long.
Time for some little updates.

Tests after tests, and it seems to be never ending.
I'm studying either on-par, or even harder than how I did for A' Level last year.
Despite all, studying is still the best phase in life where all we have to do is to face the notes. There's nothing else that we really have to worry about.
Along the way when it gets tough, I just have to motivate myself.

It's just studying and lack of sleep that is draining me out.
What about those patients who are fighting for their lives? Nothing's compared to that.
Cheer on.

It's a compliment and a blessing that people would say we look alike, or that we look compatible together. Probably the nicest thing I've heard in the week.

In a relationship, we should give, and not take.
When he's happy, I am, too.
And that's more than what I would ask for.

Till then.

Home, sweet home.

2010-05-31T23:08:00.004+08:00

It's been three weeks.
It's been dreadful three weeks.

And now, one of the most important person in my life is back.
Back to me.

Though you guys won't be reading this, but I would sincerely like to thank those who has been by my side while he's away. Be it listening to me rant, tear about whatever that has been happening, and in any way, took care of me on his behalf. Especially you, Shirlyn! I know you'll be reading this (:

I'm a lucky girl.
I have a great family; I have an awesome boyfriend; and I have got friends who are marvelous.
It must be the good deeds I've done that I'm so contented and happy now.

Yes, I AM happy tonight.
Three weeks is long enough to break a communication, let alone a drastic change in relationship.
Yet, I'm really, really thankful things got better after his return.
I've got my own issues with things and he's there to assure me with his sincerity.
I don't know how to explain...

But, he easily made me the happiest girl tonight.

Complicated

2010-05-24T17:02:00.002+08:00

Things ain't as easy as they seem to be.

It's really heart-warming to know that I've got friends who really cares for me.
When I merely typed 'I need a listening ear' over MSN, friends whom we haven't chat for ears offered.
Friends.
It's easy to find friends, but it isn't easy looking for good, or best friends.
I'm fortunate that I've found them.

Different frequency

2010-05-12T23:02:00.002+08:00

Guys and girls always think differently, don't they?

On a guy's point of view, he meant well.
On a girl's point of view, she meant well too.

It's just that both minds think differently.

That's all for this part.

School's getting really hectic, stressful and taxing.
What's with pressuring me to redo my blood test when it's mild anemic.
It's called 'mild' for a reason.

Stop blaming me, accusing me over my 'little' amount of food consumption.
That's because you don't know how much I eat.
Stop pin-pointing me and say I'm just too skinny, that I'll have problems next time.
Hey, I didn't ask for that, did I?
Stop asking me to eat more.
I spent nearly all my savings on my food. Welcome to donate more so that I have money to spend on food, my love.
Stop saying, eat more even when you're full.
If you can do something about expanding my tummy even when I'm bloated, welcome.

Seriously, just stop it.
I didn't ask for it. I didn't invite this conditions, and I have no say.
I did all I can; To eat, eat and eat.

Urgh.

His absence.

2010-05-08T19:00:00.003+08:00

I never knew I'd be so dependent on someone again.
I never knew I'd ever do so much for someone again.
I never knew his absence would make me go insane...

Come back soon, my boy.

first day of school.

2010-04-19T19:29:00.003+08:00

first day of school.
i'm just gonna be in school for two hours every monday these two weeks.
so much for my 3hour travelling.
best till, this thursday, 50 min and it will be the end of school for the day.

it was pretty boring through the 2 hours lecture.
should i rejoice that the topics taught were familiar to me, or should i start worrying that i might lose attention during that few hours?

one more thing.
i'm always hungry in the midst of attending a lecture, no matter how much i ate earlier on.
suggest what can i do about it :/

updates

2010-04-13T21:31:00.004+08:00

caught up with some time and decided to settle down and give a little update at this little blog of mine.

end of my working days as a teacher.
awesome job, the first one out of the few which i have been to for the past few years.
trained my tolerance level, met wonderful colleagues, have a list of favourite students.
best of all, spent my time wisely in the midst of working.

welcome new school term, in a new school, new environment, new course of interest, new friends and the list goes on..
i wonder how the orientation will turn out to be.
honestly speaking, i'm so used to my own circle of friends that i find making new friends a chore.
let's hope things will turn out fine.
for once in my life, i'm studying something which i really will enjoy (i guess).
i will save lives in the future; i place my own life at risk just to eradicate cancerous cells.
i want to do well.
and i will make sure i do.

future radiation therapist.
i will be a radiation therapist.
and i will be a great therapist who saves, and inspires my patients to live on.

2010-03-22T21:20:00.003+08:00

'love means knowing when to let go'
- man and boy, tony parsons

deep understanding needed to understand that phrase.
but, that made sense.

awesome book.

2010-03-21T21:34:00.002+08:00

Charity show, one after another.

Of which, a China handicapped couple put up a fabulous dance performance.
Male, lost his leg to an accident at the age of 4.
Female, lost her arm to an accident at the age of 19.
Yet with such mishap, they were able to move on with a strong positive mind and even to make their lives meaningful by performing at various charity shows all over the globe.
How touching.

That made me despise people who commit suicide even more.
Despise people who doesn't treasure their life.

To think I was once like that...

Reminizing.

2010-03-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

I miss studying.

If I had read more storybooks in the past, I'd have achieved better grades in my studies.
If I knew what I'd want back then, I wouldn't even waste a year taking my A' Levels all over again.
If I had a chance, I'd do it right.

Yet, time seems to slip off so fast, so quickly that we can never keep up with it, and we can only afford to reminize and regret over the past...

Disappeared, long time ago.

2010-03-17T21:58:00.003+08:00

Abandoned my blog just a couple of months back.
Much updating to do, but just gonna summarize it all up and reminise it when I hit on old age.
A low-profiled blog, but enough to accompany me through my lifetime without having to worry that I might lose my 'diary' or throw it away when I was younger.

Boo to the school holiday, but welcome physiotherapy attachment.
A year older, a year wiser, a year being more thoughtful.
Unlike the past few years, I spent my time rotting away, switching between jobs and not do any meaningful event.
This time, at 20 years old, I learnt to make my own decision, scratch out the route I wanna take on and fight for it. After some time being in the teaching side, I've decided to apply under NIE under one of my choices - something which I thought I'd never, ever do. Sense of achievement when I could control students despite them being infamous, being an inspiration to kids, with kids shouting for my name in school. Most importantly, imparting my experiences to them. Life experiences.
I'm not exactly sure if NYP's gonna accept my application, but I've gotten a place in physiotherapy attachment at a private clinic in town. Physio Asia Therapy. Enjoying so, so much despite not being paid for long hours staying in the clinic. Other than the shivering coldness from the aircon, everything's good, great, excellent, AWESOME. Meeting patients who come from different countries, conditions just makes the whole attachment wonderful and meaningful. Best of all, I learnt sooooooooooooooooooo much from the three physiotherapist of whom, 2 from India and 1 from Germany. Not just physiotherapy itself, but I learnt to be a better person. It's their character which enlightment me, the way they treat the patients which melts me, the way they explain things to me which makes me want physiotherapy as a career badly. REAL badly. so badly...

Well, just hope for the best..

My calavier attitude towards certain people and my moodswings. I've got to try to improve on that. Speaking of which, that shall be my resolutions for 2010. Let's work on it then. I mean, I shall work on it.

Loving the way things are in place now.
Till then..

2010-01-18T14:53:00.002+08:00

Birthday 2010
There goes my 20th birthday.
A simple celebration with a few closer friends and twinnie as well as my family, but I feel so contented, I don't know why. There's nothing else I wanna ask for. Thanks so much for those who actually still remembered Tan Xiao Wei and to text me the greetings. Well, this blog's very low-profiled so they won't see this anyway. Still, thanks, if you all can feel the telepathy.
Speaking of which, it's amazing knowing that twinnie and I have such strong telepathy. Bought her a present which she almost, and wanted to buy for herself on our birthday. Not just that, somewhat, she could read my mind as to what I'm thinking, and I could actually guess how is she feeling. True, there's a reason to why we're born on the same day eh? Unbelievable, but it's fact.
Dad bought me basketball out of the blue as a birthday present. Surprised me like mad since it's the first present he has ever gotten for me as a birthday gift as far as I can remember. Cute, isn't he? Thanked him through facebook, and his friends even commented, saying I have a great dad. Of course I do, and I'm really thankful for the fate I've got in this lifetime. Sometimes, I feel he can't communicate well with us, but at times, little actions he does make me feel that I'm a special child to him. (I hope he doesn't come to my blog and read this)

I remember asking him something few months back saying,
'Pa, you know CB uncle said his car is his motivation to work hard when working. Does all man have the same motivation, like to earn and get a fantastic car?'
That's what he replied,
'No. My children are, and will always be my motivation.'
Fantastic father, isn't he?

Much thanks to my three lil' sweet friends who brought me to Mount Faber's long long bridge just because I suggested a picnic during our meetup. Imaginary candle, all the usual crap and laughters that ended my day well. I started having some insights and started talking to my sister about friendships. I ought to thank these 3 girls for helping me, giving me advices when I was down for the past few years :D

Work
I had a bad week last week. 'Disgusted' by how the supposedly 'talented and gifted' class behaved. I think they are scared of me now from how I scolded them last week. It was a busy week, meeting notorious students and almost lost my voice. Infamous students that are the usual ones making a fool out of themselves in class. Seriously, they should just change their mindset that relief teachers are easy to bully. Okay, ranting. Well, it seems most teachers are always absent on Monday. Typical working adults. (: It's okay, since I'm having fun, and still like the job of relief teaching. Kids who STILL call me as 'Mrs Tan', kids who can't wait to stick to me when I meet them in canteen, and kids who constantly ask me personal questions.

Some funny conversations:
Kid: MRS TAN!!!
Me: I'm not married! I'm not Mrs Tan!!!!!!!
Kid: Blah blah blah.... Mrs Tan, I ask you...
Me: HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU. Haiyo, I'm too ugly, no boy wants me, so I'm NOT married.
Kid: But can I still call you Mrs Tan?

Last week, I was having lunchbreak with Cheryl.
Kid: Miss Tan, are you two friends?
Me: Yes. Why?
Kid: How come you two look alike?
Me: WHERE GOT! So different!
Kid: DONT DLUFF!
Me: Okay la okay la, we're sisters, okay?
Another kid: But how come you all look the same?
Me: What do you think? She's Miss Bong, I'm Miss Tan. Do you think it's possible?
blah blah blah.
Kid: Then how come her face so many pimples, then your one don't have?
Me: (Stunned) HAIYO. You know why? Cos' I use urine to wash my face everyday one.
Kids: REALLY???
Me: Yes, if not why my face so nice?
Kids: REALLY AH??
Me: Ya la! I use horse urine one. (I just picked my zodiac)
Kids: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Till today, some of them still believe it....... HAHAHAHA!

Gonna change my room's layout now. Somewhat motivated to pack it. Off I go!
Oh ya, I'll remember to post about something regarding two students about their mother's death the next time.

Happy birthday

2010-01-11T23:13:00.003+08:00

Last few minutes of my teenage-hood.
In all, I've enjoyed the past 19 years of life.

Happy 20th birthday to me.

长得越大，时间流失得更快
生日到了，认真的生活也该开始了

祝我
生日快乐

再见了，幼稚的我.

Bye bye, memories.

2010-01-09T14:24:00.003+08:00

Check out what I did yesterday during my work:
1) Typed some admin stuff which took me less than 10 minutes.
2) Walked around the school with Cheryl
3) Ate dessert with collegue, said 'Hi' to the students
4) Helped a teacher type something which took less than 15 minutes.
5) Walked around the school, then to the library
6) Got so bored in the office that we played a game, something like UNO stacko. Got bored of it.
7) Went to the computer lab and slacked our time till 1:15PM
8) Head down to canteen for lunch.
9) Went back to the office and played a last round of that stacko thing.

YES, THAT'S WHAT I DO THERE.

I got my ass glued to the table and started packing today. Of course, my mom's sooooo damn happy that I'm packing my table (finally). Threw away many stuff and yes, some which reminds me of the past too. Even objects as long as few years back. Back then, I didn't bare to throw 'em away. Yet today, I feel that it's meaningless, though I kept 10% of the things. Also, I found the wallet which I thought a 'friend' has thrown. Amazing huh! I need alot more boxes, but I'm too lazy to get out under the crazy sun. It used to be that I feel lazy walking out to the busstop and perspire under that torturous temperature. Even with a car, I feel as lazy. I should do something about it. FATS FATS FATS. I REALLY got fatter.

An early birthday celebration with a friend tonight. The meal would definitely be fantastic ;P
I don't feel anything despite the fact that I'll turn 20 officially after 3 days. I'm not in my birthday mood, unlike past years. It's just a 'okay, another day' to me. Time flies fast. I feel numb :/ Of course, a simple happy birthday text/wishes from everyone is enough to make my day. And for that occasion, I've decided to pamper myself by buying an iTouch since I found myself a job, that I studied hard last year and that my birthday's coming. (: Pay, please come quick!

I'm still hoping at least a kind soul would want to go Amei's concert with me ):

Kids days.

2010-01-07T17:53:00.004+08:00

Fourth day of school, and I'm starting to love my role as a teacher.

Back then, I was constantly scolded for being too talkative, for not tucking in my uniform etc.
Who knows now, I have the authority to scold, to get students to tuck in their uniform. I get to take lift cos' I have the rights to. I get to have a scan card and 'teeeee' before I step into the office. I get to be called 'Miss Tan'.

First few days, I was almost bored to death, taking one class per day, and then to rot in the office. Yet now, Cheryl and I made ourselves useful by offering help to any teachers we see. So, we see ourselves getting busier each day.

I have been taking Primary 2 classes and they are really sweet kids.
Back to primary school days, it's always 'TEACHER TEACHER! She say she don't friend me'

And for today, I got the same class I took yesterday. I love them so much that I start to feel attached to them ): They love me as well though :D They were so lovely that they will draw pictures of me voluntarily and pass it to me. One was sooooo shy that she got her friend to pass it to me. How nice!

I was still happily chewing on my chicken rice today and I was told to relief 2C IMMEDIATELY. Tsk. That was what happened: Cheryl followed me to class since she had nothing to do.

Me: Class stand! Okay, this (referring to Cheryl) is Miss Bong.
Class: What? Bong? Or bomb?
I started laughing cos' she and I had some jokes about her surname.

After some time, two lil' kids started quarreling and one cried. After talking to them nicely and in a motherly way (yes, motherly), they shoke each other's hand and I got two of them to give each other a hug. SO CUTE PLEASE!

Me: One slient clap!
(The class really went quiet)
Me: Okay, why not I let you all know more about me? But, raise your hand before you start asking me questions okay?

And then... Some kids started raising their hands.
Blah blah blah..

One kid: MISS TAN! ARE YOU MARRIED?
Me: Okay, he asked if I'm married. How many of you think that I'm married?
Two kids raised their hands.
Me: ORHHHH! So you think that I'm pretty right, that's why you think I'm married.
One of the guys got so shy he hid under the table. DAMN CUTE!

Another one: What hobbies do you have?
Me: Do you all think I'm a sports person?
Class: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. (A few shouted no)
Me: Do you all think I'm a music person?
Class: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Me: AHHH, smart people. I play guzheng and basketball etc etc etc.....

Till,
Me: Okay, now Cheryl and I are not friends already. If I get to teach your class, how many of you want me to teach you all?
Them: ME ME ME ME!!!!! (Raises their hand)

HOW SWEET OF THEM LA!

Me: Whoa, means I win! Then what if both of us teach you all together?
Some: Don't want. (Started folding their hands)
Me: Okay then, BYE BYE!
Some: OKAY WANT WANT WANT.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, how adorable kids are! I wanna have my own kids one day (:

Oh ya, there was this primary one kid who was VERY violent. I think she just felt scared and intimitated since parents are not allowed to stay with them in school anymore. Cheryl and I have to go after her and then she started whacking Cheryl and kept wailing loudly. Another teacher had to go down on her knees IN SKIRT, hug her, pacify her etc but it didn't work. Kids these days are too pampered. Aren't they?

Tomorrow's Friday ): I don't get to see the kids on weekends ): But still, I'm happy cos' Saturday's coming (:

New year, new job.

2010-01-04T20:08:00.002+08:00

4th January.
First day of school, first day of my work.
It feels great going back primary school, but it's too slack.
I took over just one class for an hour, and it's it for the day. It made me soooo tired.
Good thing was, I was requested to help out for the Guzheng Ensemble every Tuesday and Friday. This means I can only knock off after 6pm instead of the usual 1.30PM ): Well, at least it's something I like.

Kids these days are REALLY different from how we were in the past.
Some even mention those sexual words, goodness.
After that I found one way to keep them quiet: Share with them ghost stories.
One particular kid told me racist joke which made me laughed like mad!

Shall get some rest, and I'm so looking forward to Saturday :D

2010

2010-01-01T21:20:00.004+08:00

So here comes 2010, the new year most have been anticipating for!
I suppose it's a euphoric occasion for everyone, where majority are waiting for the final second of 2009.

To me, I don't have any special feeling towards today, when it's already 2010.
Well, I did have an adventurous 'countdown'.
We were supposed to head towards Liquid Kitchen and meet my brother and his friends there.
Yet, damn GPS gave me the old address instead and my friend and I ended up at Bukit Timah at 11:57PM. Silly me went to key in Upper Thompson Road instead of Upper Thomson Road. There goes our countdown.

But, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise.
With me driving around, happily shouting 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' to random people on the road. There wasn't many people walking though ):
Still, there was fun after that.
Decided to explore an abandoned house up in a park at Bukit Panjang. I think I was just crazy at that point in time, that both of us decided to go ahead despite knowing that there weren't any single lamplight along the route in the park/mini jungle. Except for the eriee moonlight and some weird cricket sound here and there.
Horrifying, but fun!
Didn't have any strange feelings in that small house but didn't dare to proceed on to the yard. And so... We headed back to the car.
Actually at the point in time, I was wondering what would happen to my family should any thing happen to me. What a thought.

That pretty much sums up how I spent the start of 2010 early in the morning.
Hope this year will go well. What's most important to me at this point in time is my A's results.
Ohm, ohm.

Heading back to Malaysia for a day's stay tomorrow. I'm sure I'll enjoy it.
A carefree environment. And it'll be the last 2 days I'm relaxing in Malaysia before starting relief teaching at my primary school the very next day. I shall congrats myself for getting this job. Quite nervous about it. Well, at least it's a meaningful job this time round!

Shall write down my resolutions somewhere and make sure I do it this year. Or maybe I should post it since I'll just misplace the paper.
I have to pack my room too.
And of couse, start some 'designing' for my new room (:

Last day of 2009

2009-12-31T17:23:00.000+08:00

It's finally down to the last day of 2009.

To me, I wasted this year since there wasn't any accomplishment, except the fact that I placed in my best, or maybe near the best for A's. Though I've lost a friendship, I am now leading a much, much happier life. Thanks for stepping in at least that one time, and left a valuable lesson for me to learn. Cliche as it sounds, it somewhat show me who're the people who sincerely treats you as a true friend. Hurting some people here and there has been my deepest regret but, that's the least that I'd wish to do.

Hitting my 20s; It's time I take most responsibilty of my life and not worry my parents.

Next year, I'll be a better person, I'll lead a better life, and be a happy woman.
Happy New Year, everyone!

2009-12-29T19:45:00.005+08:00

I might get my relief teaching job at my primary school.
Sweet!

Food consumption during Christmas has been REALLY sinful.
The tooth fillings came off and I suspect another decay.
Damn, I have to give the dentist a visit tomorrow.
So much for enjoying the superfluity food ): Or maybe it was just those alcohol that corroded my teeth that night.

Been rotting so much at home, but spent quality time with my parents. Today, mom revealed a childish side of her. She blew that kind of balloon (childhood stuff ) from the rubber mass, and after that when she had fun throwing it around with me, she hold on to the bubble with her two hands and push it against her face. Not only that, she flattened it and fit it nicely onto her face and tried to breathe. Obviously she couldn't and said, 'CAN DIE FROM IT ONE'.
Crap, that made me laughed so much.

Finally, I won $15k straight in Poker Rivals on Facebook. It's quite addictive.
If only that'd happen in real life.
And, I need to pack my room real badly.
I was thinking if I should place a study table in my new room when I don't even study in my room. I shall draw the design and I want and maybe I shall post it up.

Jogging soon!

2009-12-28T22:59:00.002+08:00

I realized I've been abusing my phone lately.
There's so many scars all over it. I only have myself to blame that it's pretty screwed up now.

On a lighter note, someone has given me motivation to run.
Flat tummy, here I come!

Merry, Merry Christmas

2009-12-26T20:18:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas and it was a memorable one for me.
I thought I'll just spend the Christmas as though it's just a normal 'stay-home' day.
But yes, I got a date. Date with my brother, his wife, and her brother.

It's memorable, cos' it's the FIRST ever time that I got drunk and get a hangover.
Settings at Liquid Kitchen, and all of us countdown-ed to Christmas. (:
What's more? The two older couple were keen and determined to make the younger ones drunk.
Vodka, shooters, and Lamborghini for me.
Waterfall for YX's brother and I had a good laugh when he got drunk before me.
I wonder what kind of joker I turned out to be that night.
After vomiting in the toilet and car (smart enough to throw out into a bag), sending all the random 'HAHAHAHAHAHA' to some friends and spouting some nonsense to someone.
Goodness. A great night, but at least, I'm thankful that I was with my brother. I trust him to protect me. (:

Posting this to remind me that today is the FIRST ever time then my dad randomly said over dinner, 'Eh, shall we catch a movie later together? We can bring mom over'
Never in my 19, going to be 20 life that my parents agreed to watch a movie.
I suggested bodyguards and assassin, but sad to say, it's a weekend, most of the seatings are fully booked ):
I feel blessed that we'll be catching a movie soon, just within our small family.
Which reminds me that Chinese New Year's approaching.
It'll be fun.
On the eve of New Year, we'll be gathering at the lil' west coast house enjoying our steamboat, and then to 'book' the cinema for ourselves and enjoy the movie. Next on the first day, we'll be waiting for the lion dance troop's arrival and off I go to Malaysia for a night's stay.
I'm looking forward to that day.

Last few days' of 2009...

Merry X'mas

2009-12-23T18:38:00.002+08:00

Finally, I went back to Malaysia and had a great time. Though it wasn't as crowded as chinese new year, though it's just me, and my parents who headed in only, it was so carefree, so fun.
All the puppies that I saw back then during new year grew and are much larger in size now. They seem to recognise me, started jumping on me for attention. Cute dogs (:

I had no idea why, but I offered to massage my grandma's leg voluntarily. It feels really great, knowing she appreciates it and gradually falls asleep since it was comfortable for an aged woman. At that point in time, it reminds me that each time my parents asked me for a massage, I'll always be looking forward to the time when they'll ask me to stop. Yet, when I was massaging grandma's leg yesterday, I wished I have longer time. I didn't care how dirty her foot was, and I just enjoyed it. I was thinking how lucky I am, that I can make my parents, my grandma feel better. From there, I know I have to treat them better and even feel grateful.

Rants.

Christmas' coming! Not a very big hooha occasion for me.
To think I really thought Santa existed in my childhood days.
If only Santa do exist, there's so many things I want ):
I want an itouch, I want a good job, I want good results, I want so so so many things ):

Thoughts

2009-12-09T19:53:00.002+08:00

Camaraderie.
People walk in and out of your life, leaving that teeny weeny bit of impression in you.

Okay, in short, I just miss some of them so much.
So much that I wish I could unwind time and keep some people in my life.
One's back in China, one over at the states, some others more.

I miss them ):

Family

2009-11-19T19:27:00.003+08:00

It's been a while that I've last shopped.
It's been a while since I've last shopped with my mom.
We had so much fun, and both our days ended well.

All in all, family are the ones who will walk you through your life.
Ultimately, they are the ones who truely understands you, and they are the ones who will forgive you for any mistakes be it minor or major.
It's fate that I have such awesome parents and siblings.

Treasure them while you can.

Trustworthy or not.

2009-11-14T16:40:00.003+08:00

After being through some ordeals in just these recent growing years,
I'm glad that I've learnt to not place too much trust, or lean onto someone too much.

A leopard will never change its spots.
That, I've withnessed it.

Be free on your way; Let's save the troubles.

Bad time.

2009-11-09T00:22:00.001+08:00

First, it started with all the nonsense of having backache etc.
Next, pimples attack.
Next, rashes on my wrist and fat thigh.
Next, sorethroat.

What's next?
Who cares, I'm still sitting for my papers anyway.

Thanks for everything (:

Right on track.

2009-11-05T13:59:00.002+08:00

Just few days back, I broke down, telling Shirlyn how mean the reality was.
We booked the teachers weeks, or even a month plus back for consultation, only to have them saying they are too busy to give us any when it's just a week away from our papers.
I feel so idiotic when I couldn't solve one math question, especially looking through the solutions some more. I have only myself to blame, that I did not place in effort to build my basic foundations when I was in primary school, secondary school. Laugh at me, I can't really do shapes-related question when asked about volumes, surface area etc. I can't really get the picture or what they mean by real roots etc. I can't really solve mole chapters in Chemistry.
The regrets.
After all these days of plain studying, eating, sleeping, I find myself tearing over aches - headache, bad shoulder conditions. I started panicking, thinking how am I supposed to sit through my 3-hour long Math paper when all the aches will sit in just less than an hour. Not to say, it's 2 freakin GP papers in the morning, followed by Bio paper2 in the noon straight.
I find the joy in studying after falling once, after moving away from work-office. Yet, when the shoulder shit thing comes it, I can't help but just tear, thinking why can't I study in peace.

All these while, it's not that I excel in non-academic area, but at least, I'm always better at other things be it sports, music, or whatsoever. The least, I have everything running through smoothly. Achieving throphies, medals, getting rare opportunities from Guzheng, gaining recognition through it, passing my driving, having others cheering up when they are down etc. I'm capable of those, but not a break through in my academic side.

Someone, please take away the aches just for this while.
I'm really VERY affected by it ):

Yet, I feel blessed.
Haha, heaven must have heard my cries that night after talking to Shirlyn, cos all the teachers suddenly agreed to have consultation, asking me when will I be free, helping me through everything. Even friends come siding me, carrying me through when I was so down. I really hope everything will be paid off.

Thanks, Shirlyn. (:

Pimple Boomz.

2009-11-03T10:40:00.002+08:00

Pimples outbreak!
Spoil my sexy complexion, dampen my mood.
Just two days back, I was walking out of the toilet and SAW three new ones. HOW HORRIBLE!
Guess what, I was so affected that I couldn't study peacefully.

I'm getting my puberty only at 19 years old (:
Damn, it's so irritating. I have been avoiding the mirror actually. I don't want scars ): I have enough scars on my face after my previous dog bit me on the cheeks.
I hope my complexion will be better, MUCH better after exams.
I still want my previous pimple-less face. ):

PIMPLE BOOMZ, YOU'RE SO IRRITATING.

Halloween!

2009-11-01T13:54:00.004+08:00

Halloween party was awesome!
That's my first time ever seeing a halloween taking place.
(Perhaps when I was young but I don't have any memory of it)
Decorating the house was very tiring, making those artificial cobwebs, but of course, the sense of accomplishment sets in (:
The makeup which brother and his friends had were great. Vampires, pirates, aladin etc.
I was supposed to have a gothic dress-up but I suppose my friend would feel left-out since she was just here to visit my room and see how they celebrate it.

The thunderstorm was in match with the Halloween Day since the sky was overcast and thunder came after one another.
Not to forget I had to drive my friend to work in that kind of weather. Imagine I was freakin' alone in the car after dropping her off and making sure I'll reach home safe. I didn't dare to look at the rear mirror cos I was afraid I might see you-know-what. Call me scaredy cat, but it was really scary :/

Nonetheless, left a few more days to the exams and I don't feel prepared :/ Haven't been studying much. Dead.

2009-10-29T10:18:00.003+08:00

I can no longer stand the absurdity of the whole scenerio.

Be it responsible or not, we should try and accept people for who they are.
I tried to, but I still can't bring myself to accept certain things.
Many in fact. Perhaps, it's just me.
But, if I could communicate with others without any barrier, then why is it so?
Perhaps, the way you tried to get closer to me isn't my cup of tea.
I guess it just shows that you don't know me well. If others could just understand me without me revealing much, then why is it so?
It's hard to impress me, I know. Yet, without these minor 'tests', how can I be certain that I can at least place some trust in you?
Without the fundamental communication, everything's nothing.

Down to 12 more days, or rather, 11.
I really, really hope that everything will be paid off. No more nonsense, no more distractions as compared to last year. I placed effort, prolly not my utmost, but I still hope for the better. Well, as least good enough for me to enter my ideal course in mind.
For this, much sacrifices done.
Stiff shoulder from the bad studying posture, drift in friendships, distant from family.
Still, I wanna thank those who has been constantly encouraging me be it verbally, through facebook, sms etc. Of course, my parents and sister who has been fetching me home along the way late at night. I hope all these hard work pay off.

Ohm, ohm, ohm..

2009-10-25T19:33:00.002+08:00

One last hurdle in this year.

Gotten my license but I still dare not drive alone.
I don't know why, but I don't feel any sense of satisfaction or whatsoever when I passed.
All I know is, I've gotten over and done with.
No more driving lessons; No more worries.

15days more. Gotta buck up. Wish me luck, everyone (:

it's stopping.

2009-10-16T10:22:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to let go.

I know I have to study; But each time I sit down and display the notes on the table, my mind wonders off.
These few days when I can't study, I feel like banging my head onto the wall.
At this time, at this juncture, this is happening.
Burnt out, or lost the motivation?
Either way, I'm done for, screwed.

I have to pick myself up again, as soon as possible.
But I'm losing time..

I picture every worse senerio that can happen in a circle like how it did this year.
Screwed.

I hope this isn't it.

2009-10-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

I'm in deep shit.
For this whole week, I haven't been studying, more time spent on stoning.
As the weekend draws near, I can't help but feel like just letting my exams pass by just like THAT.

Thankfully, my parents are back from Thailand.
They made a trip there, and are going there yearly to pray.
I've got a bracelet-like thing which I was supposed to wear unless it drops off one day, and I have a paper thing which was prayed by the 'shi-fu' before which I'm supposed to put into my wallet. I've got another thing which I'm supposed to hang, and of course, the necklace which I have been wearing for years is fully 'charged' now.

After seeing what my parents have done for me, I shall just buck up.

SPOOKYYY!

2009-10-12T10:37:00.002+08:00

Check out Yeemin's and my entertainment while studying at Macdonald's.
To begin with, we have always been playing card games during our breaks.
Then, that night, in the middle of the night, we played fate-card game.
We start by choosing four people who have deeply impacted in our lives, and use the different Ace card to represent individuals. Then, Yeemin will have to question me and I have to shuffle the remaining deck in my hand, and open it one by one. If it happens that any of the cards, say Spades, matches with the Ace spades, it means that question will stop there, indicating that THAT person, is related to the question mentioned.

Here it goes: (The first round) ♦ ♥ ♣ ♠
1) Before you die, who will you think of? ♥
2) Possible relationship with? ♦
3) Spent the most time with? ♠
4) Run away with? ♣
5) Who will you betray? ♠
6) Marry with? ♣
7) Someone you let down? ♦
8) Who will you cry most for? ♣
9) Who will you not make friends with? ♥
10) Truly love? ♦
11) One night stand with? ♠
12) Who will make a good bf? ♣
13) Who will make you most happy? ♦

My sole reaction for ♦, was either to just walk away from the table both of us were sitting, or,
OOMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
Seriously, this is hilarious, yet sooooooooo spoooky.

People who know me best, will know who's ♦.
Hint: Yeemin has got many questions related to the exact same person.

And we agreed on 7th Oct that with effect from that day, we shall not mention the-one-who-shall-not-be-named, just so to avoid distraction and disturbance during our studying time. HAHAHA!
Apparently, nothing stops us from gossiping.

Counting down.

2009-10-08T14:35:00.002+08:00

It's now down to the last one month before exams starts.

I still don't feel prepared despite constant studying since around June.
Hopefully the practising of papers now will help.

Studying overnight at my usual place has been quite interesting, seeing weird people, meeting new people etc.
Some experiences were of course not pleaseant ones, with people rolling their eyes at you when you did nothing to provoke them, or with those _JC smart alec with lousy character provoking you, or with people approaching you which are very scary.
Yet, cos of my frequent visits, like pratically everyday, I started befriending the crews. So next time in case anything happens to me there, I can just seek help easily.
It has been a place that I see many familiar faces of whom I haven't seen for a long time, if not, with a couple of friends coming over in the middle of the night to chit-chat and have supper together.

Still, I find night-studying more productive as compared to the day. Check out what am I doing now.
Well, just hope everything works out fine for me for this chance given and with the effort placed in. More effort this year, I hope I get the output for it, too.

Random thought: I was wondering how I'd react if Brownie pass away. I dare not even think of it :/

2009-09-17T21:06:00.003+08:00

At times, little things, simple actions make my day. Thank you (:

parents

2009-09-13T23:08:00.003+08:00

It's been a while that I've last used a computer, and now, it feels weird typing on a keyboard!
I doubt the next time I touch it will be soon. Prolly asking readers to wish me all the best for my up-coming hurdle. Lagging by a few chapters, but crossing my fingers that I'll do fine.

Both my parents are very encouraging, which really moved me.
Few weeks back, dad saw me studying late at night, and then to urge me to get my sleep.
Actually, he didn't know that I haven't been studying in the day, and that was why I have to make it up. Yet the next day, he drew a small lil note, with his signature bird, saying 'good morning' and some words of encouragement. Just two days back, while I was still sound asleep in my cosy bed, he came into my room and drew the curtain, and used a towel to hang over the upper decker bed, which in turn act like a curtain. I woke up, and he said 'now the sun won't disturb your sleep'.
How nice would it be, to see your parents overjoyed with tears when you achieve an accomplishment? Yet, I've never been able to do so when it comes to academic side..

Mom gave me a watch which she recently bought for herself, and passed me her mp3 since my PSP's screwed. When she sees me staying home to accompany her, she will always ask me to head out and study. When dad couldn't understand why I always chose to study out instead of home, which he thought provides the most conducive environment, mom was supportive of it. Even if it means I chose to study overnight at Macdonalds, she told me to go ahead..

I wish I will never advance into adulthood, knowing that it means it's the phase where your parents gives you complete freedom of your own life. Now, part of me yearn and miss the times when my mom would urge me to study the moment she sees me. Now, be it an improvement or failure, she always says 'It's fine, you have done your best.' While dad, despite not knowing how to communicate with his 'kids', would always come into my room late at night and say 'weiwei, turn on the air-con and sleep soon alright?' It's always till the night time, where he will remember calling his kid the right name and not jumble up the three daughters' names.

As far as I can remember, mom used to cane me over my pathetic results. In fact, I hate myself, for all the regrets ever since primary school. I know I would have done MUCH, MUCH better, yet the playful side of me took control. Believe it or not - she was soooo upset over me getting only 38 marks for my mathematics in P5, that she almost bang my head onto the wall. It's probably because of all the past punishments I've been through, that makes me reflect up to date, that I could have saved all the disappointments, especially the hurt I've caused her in Sec1.

I've failed my parents far too many times.
I hope this time, I will really do them proud...

Off I go to study.

When it turns problematic

2009-09-08T22:29:00.002+08:00

My knee problem is acting up again D:
I wonder how I'll survive through age and I can forsee that I'll either need a wheelchair, or a walking stick by then to support my knee.
At just this age, the last teenage year, I'm already finding walking difficult when the pain comes back, not to say 10, 30 years later.

Yet, I haven't regretted coming through all those to get this.
I ran, I earn medals with it.
No regrets.

I'll prolly feel EXTREMELY down should I need to stop playing sports especially basketball.............

time, the gold.

2009-09-03T22:56:00.002+08:00

omg omg omg.
panick-attack. I think I'm left with just 8weeks to A's.
It's not that I started late this time, but, I procrastinated HELLO LOTS.
I took my own sweet time to complete one chapter from either subject.
Goodness. I better buck up, even if it means studying overnight at Macdonalds.
I can't seem to study during day time, or at home. I'm not sure if any of you share the same views:

Little things can distract me at home, even objects such as small clip can do so. I'll reach out to take the clip, start clipping my hair, look at the mirror, and next, take the comb, comb my hair, and then take a look at my sexy face, and then start looking for blackheads, and then I'll head to the toilet to wash my face. After which, I'll start munching, wash hands etc. CRAPPPPPP!!!!

I can't study in daytime too, if I'm home. I'm honest! The weather feels hot, the room is far too cosy and messy that I can't study properly. I can't study when my table is in a mess!!!!!! Well at least at Macdonalds in the noon, I can at least be a LITTLE more productive.

Alright. In conclusion, I shall start mugging overnight and rest during daytime and adjust back to the normal schedule two weeks before exams. Sounds good? Anyway I seem to be losing sleep, so I might as well make full use of the chance since not many people can endure keeping awake during wee hours.

For that, I think my dark circles are going to worsen, and my belly fats are gonna bulge out even more since I indulge in fries, milo etc at Macdonalds to keep me warm and focus on my work. Nevermind hack, as long as I don't hit __KG till after A's, I'll get my dark circles fixed and shed off the extra fats after A's. I think two months won't do much harm, right? :/

It feels like I'm talking to myself when I post. But of course, I know there are readers here (:
you know who you are :D

Sleep-deprived.

2009-08-31T19:45:00.002+08:00

I think I'm suffering from sleeping disorder D:
For more than 1 week plus or even 2 weeks, I could only flip and turn in my bed, wasting my time, only to fall asleep unknowingly after 4am.
Waking up frequently in between sleeps and couldn't sleep further in the morning say 9am?
Sucks ):

Anyone have any idea that can give me better sleeping nights?

Listener VS Talker.

2009-08-29T02:46:00.002+08:00

Sorry that I haven't chose you tonight.
Sometimes, what I need is a plain listener; Not one who makes you feel lousier with words.

I believe there's different approach to different individuals, especially me.
I won't deny the fact that I'm just hard to please, which is the crude side of me.

Yet, I'm sure when in times of frustration, anyone out there would just yearn for a listener, who just listens to what you say,and better still, pamper you with agreement towards what you were complaining about.
Sometimes, giving too much opinion towards someone's woes just adds on to the frustration and make the other party feel worse.

I'd have chosen someone, who isn't involved, so as to avoid all the 'reasons' that he/she could have flooded me with.
All I need, is a LISTERNER, who'd make me laugh after everything.

~~It's tough; But it's just me.~~

2009-08-28T00:10:00.001+08:00

I've tried.
I've tried hard.
But it still doesn't feel so.
And I have no idea why is it so.

2009-08-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

I'm just gonna admit that I'm pretty addicted to Barn Buddy on Facebook.
Damn. At this time :/
Watering plants, removing weeds, killing bugs from my friends' crops, and at times, mischeviously add weeds or bugs to theirs. Harvest my own crops, and gain that tinge bit of experience each time just to level up just so to plant more crops of higher levels.
I wake up early in the morning just so to steal my friends' crops when theirs are ready to be harvested. Evil plan, but I just wanna get more coins to buy more plants!
Thankfully there's no earthworm that I may come in contact with, which is why I like that game :D

I already have what-to-do list in mind after A' Levels.
But, I have no time for all ):

Here's the list:
> Voluntary work @ TTSH (I wanna follow under Prada again and go into ICU!)
> Voluntary work @ orhanage
> Learn guitar professionally
> Work

And it's obvious I can't really work, and handle voluntary stuff at one go ):
No work = no money. D:

2009-08-25T13:05:00.002+08:00

That caucasian is Antony and goodness, he could sing! He doesn't have much skills in his singing yet he could easily touch people with his vocal. The PK guy is good too! They will sure go far. Though i prefer that PK guy!

thunders

2009-08-23T09:16:00.003+08:00

Thunders are frightening o.o
There was this strike at around 2 plus that made me, my sister and Brownie jumped.
And that made my mom sit up from her sleep. HAHA!

Brownie's reaction last night went: Sit up, stare at my sister, ears flipped back.

Normally, he'll just run to either anyone of us, and constantly wanting attention just so to earn a sense of security in the arms of us. Yesterday, he just stood still, and didn't dare to move an inch and just stare.

I guess that thunder was super-duper frightnening that he became bumbfounded for that few seconds.
SO CUTE!!

2009-08-23T00:49:00.003+08:00

Procrastination kills.
Why isn't procrastinating a crime? In that way, majority will make sure they don't.

Why can't doing GP be as fun as playing basketball?
Why can't studying Biology be as easy as singing at KBox?
Biology's interesting, but the key to understanding it weighs tonnes.

Cross my fingers that the rain is a heavy and lasting one, then at least I can stay home and complete my GP homework.

Why am I STILL procrastinating at this time?
But no matter what, I'm gonna prove to YOU that THIS time, nothing's going to stop me from getting an ideal grade for myself.
That solely could serve as a motivation to me.

Was supposed to upload pictures and VIDEOS (hahaha!) but I guess I'll do it in the day, if I have free time.
I over-spent and I just gave in to my wants and cravings. HELPPPPPPPPPPP.

Ever wonder when met with circumstances, how are you gonna resolve the problems?
To address it, or to run away and pretend that it didn't happen before?
I'll rather address the problem and settle our differences to prevent further misunderstandings.
I've tried, and so be it.

2009-08-20T22:14:00.002+08:00

HURRAY!
Tomorrow's KBox, and Saturday's basketball :D
All of my favourites!

I think I desever some credits for SORT OF finsihing some of my study plans.
I'm starting to feel the tension D:
TP's on the 22nd October, and I feel lost.
Urghhhhhh.

So many things to do D:
So many things I wanna buy, but money's not falling from the sky DD:

2009-08-11T20:41:00.003+08:00

MY 1000TH POST!

Hello, here's my little secret;
there's many things which I miss.

I miss performing on stage;
I miss playing basketball in a match.
I miss all the adrenaline rush.

I'm missing my friends, especially the three who's always there for me.
The gathering on National Day really made me very, very, super, super, extremely happy.
Max's house, and then to the mass shopping at Vivo, and then Starbucks.
Great outing.

And to you, if you are reading this:
Life is short; Be happy for all you can.
There's always a reason for you to smile.
If cooling yourself can't make you happy or numb the pain, then find things to distract yourself.
If distracting yourself doesn't work, understand your purpose in life.
I've been through more than you, not just solely relationship problems.
Heartache, who haven't suffered before?
Overcome it, and let your tears of today be the strength of tomorrow's.
You deserve the better.

Another thing, my maid popped a question, asking 'Miss, where's your that friend small small one?'
In case you guys haven't got any idea, she was referring to Noelle, since she used to come my house pretty often in the past.
~~I'd wish to tell my maid that I fell out with her, and that I wish I'll never see her again.~~
Yea, people who know what happened, you believe and even told me that I should just break off contact.
Oh well, nevermind, shan't comment much.
Everyone has their own point of view.

In many ways, I find myself different from others.
I have this character where people may either find it fucked-up or special.
I prefer doing things which most people don't.
I like both sports and music, where both normally contrast with one another.
I find joy in playing the gu-zheng, and I easily get contented.
I treasure teeny weeny things people/family gave me.
I prefer to be cool, than pretty.
I prefer having a kind-heart, than to have high IQ.
Of course, I prefer trust and security in a r/s, than to money or others.
I use left hand in many things i do.
What else?
.....................
Alright. actually, I don't know what's special about myself which others say.
If you all are reading this, prolly what you can do is tag there, be it anonymously or with name, and let me know?

Don't worry, I'm not obessed with myself. I never will.
Just feel like typing about myself in this 1000th post.
It seems long :D

I WANNA BUY A NEW BASKETBALL.
I WANNA BUY EITHER A CONVERSE ONE OR MOLTEN ONE.
and yea, I WANNA BUY A GIRL SIZE THIS TIME :D
so that I can head down to basketball courts with my ball next time :D
my Spalding's out of grip ):

I've yet to change my strings for the other gu-zheng.
Anyone wanna watch me change?
I wanna master that song that I'm learning D:
It's really a beautiful piece that pours the sorrow out.
My fingers are itchy now :/

Off i go to play (:

donedonedone

2009-08-05T23:05:00.003+08:00

Buy guzheng stuff, checked.
Change gz strings, not checked.
Finish yesterday's study plans, not checked, almost done.
Sleep earlier, not checked.

D:

Okay, but it's one of my most hardworking days actually.

Watched basketball match with Pok yesterday and I miss trainings so, so much.
It's not about leisure play, but playing in the team, pushing ourselves hard.
I miss playing in a team :/
Okay, I always repeat that sentence each time I post basketball-related topics.
I miss having the feeling of looking forward to trainings early in the morning.
Day-dreaming about the on-going A' division during lectures and lessons.
I miss playing ):

Can someone do something about that?

I'm getting my July's pay soon. But I'm still broke, too broke to buy myself my dream phone.

Can someone do something about my money-issue too?

Little things that could have made me satisfied, and happy D:
whines.

ridiculous crap.

2009-08-04T23:51:00.003+08:00

Screwed.

Ritz wants a video-demo of my gz song by the end of this week.
it's tuesday, or no, wednesday now, and saturday is not an office day.
means, i have up to friday to send them my clip.

one of my gz string snapped after much 'excellent' work done by my maid to stack clothes above it.
and great, I stopped practising gz since she'll always stop her chores to watch me play, commenting 'miss, so nice ah'. 'miss why you never play already' or even to ask me teach her.
i eventually stopped my hobby.
now, i lost my touch.

and i have 2 pathetic days to look for new set of strings, which i REALLY need to change soooo many since most risks snapping now, and within that 2 freakin' days, i have to season the string, and get my touch back.

im complaining, cos i'm stressing out.

freak.

2009-08-01T10:41:00.002+08:00

I'm home, and I shall TRY to study in my room.

Ritz-Carlton wants me to head down next week to have an 'audition', if I don't have the video to my past performances.
Now I see the need to keep videos other than pictures of my past performances.
I don't feel like going.
But, if they hire me to perform, it means I could get a good pay.
Should I, or should I not?
I'm a little lazy ):

Okay, since I have the sudden motivation to study,
OFF I GO!

2009-07-30T21:19:00.002+08:00

I'm getting better :D

I bought this ultra-slim 'wallet' from Tangs today and I like it alot.
Yet, I'm starting to think it's not worth the price.
It's alright, I still like it.

I got to try out Nokia N97 series today.
Very nice keypad!
Sis told me X1's camera is good.
Should I consider saving for one of these phones?

Last thing:
I need to study!

2009-07-29T22:28:00.003+08:00

Take the pain away,
Take the medicine away,
Give me back my food.

I'M VERY HUNGRY.
VERY,VERY, VERY.
Liquid foods are not enough to satisfy my ever-craving tummy.

I think I'm complaining too much about it.
I STILL DON'T LIKE BEING SICK AND FORCED ON PILLS.

2009-07-28T23:59:00.002+08:00

Driving, Kboxed, Starbucked, homed.

For the past 7 days I have been suffering D:
What which seemed like stomach flu. But it's not.
Doctor don't know what's the cause to the diarrohea for the past 7days, and for my tummy part, she could only figure out that it has gotta do with gastric problems.
Whatever. I'll just die young.
I'm food-reprived.
No oily stuff, no fried stuff, no dairy stuff.
Please, tell me what other stuff do I have in line to consume after all these restriction?
Doomed with porridge.
And apparently after each consumption, I'll have diarrohea.
I WANT FOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

P.S, Sorry that I puked the tea out :/ Thanks for the blue rose, and I'm glad your eardrum hasn't blasted off from my vocal.

Ritz-Carlton performance on the 31st.
Should I, or should I not. ):

2009-07-27T21:34:00.003+08:00

I think the process of holding on to just a PDL and driving on the main road is freakin' stressful.
I didn't get leg cramps like Shirlyn though.
I don't know if it's driving that wears my entire day's energy out or what, but I always feel tired easily when I'm home.
Perhaps I shall get a shower to refresh myself (:

Surprised my daddy with a cake and present at his office. I'm so glad I've stopped working.
It's quite a pleasure to not work, but there's no income.
When there's no income, there's no dream phone.
):

Some people just doesn't grow up.
Childish, like those kind of 'I don't friend you, you don't friend me'.
Yea, they are just not worth it, and I realised it.

2009-07-26T00:03:00.001+08:00

I wanna go Kbox and sing!
Any one wanna accompany me?

NDP preview was great. At least to me.
They haven't lost their creativity.
Okay, shan't be a spoiler; Watch yourselves (:

senseless.

2009-07-24T22:49:00.003+08:00

What do you say about someone who uses sarcasm during an argument?
Immature; stubborn.

Does using sarcasm during a heated argument save us?
No. It just portrays what kind of person you are when you're facing an obstacle. It just shows that your character is just that, that you can't handle the issue in a peaceful way, when it's obvious it'll dampen situations or even to the extent when it will hurt one.

You were the one who said, 'bitten once, twice shy'.
What is it now that you're being sarcastic, knowing you once lost someone cos' you did something likewise?
You claimed you like me, but what's with your attitude.

I don't need a guy like that.

Character is the key to an obession.

Utterly disappointed.

updates in life.

2009-07-24T21:11:00.002+08:00

1. Kobe Bryant Asia Tour
2. NDP preview tomorrow.

okay, I can't remember much about what happen.
My friend's right; my memory's failing.
Many things are dying on me not just my memory.
(Thanks for your lappy though)

Kobe Bryant is a super cool guy to me.
I want his jacket; I want his autographed basketball; I want his autographed shoes ):
I'd have been so contented just by standing next to him man.
20 people were selected for his 'clinic' - coaching session.
Yet all were guys, no girls.
I thought it would be more interesting if there were girls on the court too.
I miss playing basketball, and I miss playing in a team.

Things I hope to do after A's:
1. Do voluntary work at TTSH.
2. Do voluntary work at orphanage.
3. Join Singapore Chinese Orchestra.
4. Play in an outside team.

I can tell I'm just not earning any income by doing those.
How I wish I could just be a rich lady and do all the voluntary work etc without worrying over the depleting amount in my bank.
):

I wish my dream phone could appear in front of my face one pathetic day.
Alright, end of story.

contradicting.

2009-07-19T22:12:00.002+08:00

My dad uses facebook now. LOL!

Okay, main topic.
Went to watch Mama's concert today and I thought most of the songs were fantastic.
Hope the international competition all goes well to her band next week.
Shirlyn, if you're reading this, i really think the very last piece with the erhu was very, very nice. (:

Sometimes, I wished I could still play guzheng back in Nan Hua.
I long to play in Singapore Chinese Orchestra but I dont have any spare time.
It's been a while i have the feel.

I need to study;
I need to study;
and I need to study.

Hello, I'm a winner at Uno, and half-half winner in Dai De.
I own you in DS, so don't boast or find excuses!

It's been a while I'm online; my lappy's screwed.
Random again.

FREEDOM

2009-07-15T23:42:00.003+08:00

I'M DONE WITH WORK AFTER 3MONTHS!
many things happened along the way.
(for the better of course)

thanks for the lil' sweet sweet things you did, like popping by, always accompanying me for lunch, the meals you cooked, the fruits you cut, the concern you gave. I think my family likes you. LOL! BUT PLEASE DON'T NAG AT ME TO STUDY.

Now I shall somewhat spend my last week of 'freedom' before I start mugging with full concentration.
I really think my parents give me alot of freedom in whatever i do, and loves me for who I am.
Gonna watch Harry Potter two times - tomorrow and friday.

Watched Ice Age with that ass and I think I gained LOADS of kgs after that buffet in that Japanese Restaurant.

ohm ohm ohm, may I follow my study plan.
ohm ohm ohm.

Apparently, my sister and I don't have any say in our OWN new rooms, not to say the house.
Disappointing.

I want to sleep and get ready for my reborn session tomorrow.
I want to sleep tomorrow and get ready for FTT the following next day cos' I don't wanna fail.

OHM.

Full of random stuff in this post.

2009-07-07T22:05:00.001+08:00

I opened the 'posting' page, wanting to blog.

Then,
the MSN conversations have been blinking.

Shall end my post here -.-
too lazy to type.

2009-06-30T23:27:00.002+08:00

Life's relaxing back in office now.
MUCH, MUCH more free time, taking my time to finish daily tasks.

ym: it's true that coloured contacts is more dry than normal contacts :/ my sis told me just now. ):

i still like the brown colour as compared to normal ones though (:

ok, ym, done with reading?

2009-06-29T22:08:00.003+08:00

Workload was crazy after going back to work today.
Imagine I was on MC for almost the whole week last week, only to have been in the office working on Monday, and half of Thursday.
I'm glad my dad hired another clerk/admin, and so, he told me I can leave the office and concentrate fully on my studies after the 15th of July. HURRAY!
But crap, this means I won't have any income.

Apparently they intend to bury MJ's body. Not preserve. D:
More and more rumours spreading, hitting headlines all over the globe about him.
'Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?'
Have you seen HIS childhood.
Just find it super ridiculous that when his biological mother first heard of the death of her own son, the first thing she did was not to break down and cry, but to ransack his apartment for any money.

TSK.

legendary people

2009-06-28T22:40:00.003+08:00

Emotional day for me.

Finished watch The Legend of Bruce Lee.
Was really, super-duper upset with the fact that many hot, famous celebrities are dying young, and it seems that the bad always have a better life than people like Bruce Lee, MJ, and some others who helped changed the world but yet died early. Why is that so :/
I swear I can practically break down watching the last episode if not for my mom talking to me.
Ironically, I feel the heartache, got SO affected by it, but gained motivation from him.

I salute him for his self-esteem;
I envy his courage to fulfill everything he planned to do;
I'm motivated, for his determination.

A pity he passed away at the early age of 32. Just because he was over-exhausted. At least he had two children, whom unfortunately, the son was shot to death accidentally while trying to act in the show which is late father wrote - the last script he ever wrote, and never able to act in it. His daughter is a pretty girl who together with her mom, passed on his chinese martial arts to others in the world till date. At least it won't die off, hopefully.

Attempted to study after watching the 50-episode drama, but was very affected. Went to the net to do some 'research' on him. I'm glad video-recording has already been created back then, that I managed to catch his real face etc. He could have been 60+ years old now. Such a pity.

My mom was right. When I told her how upset I was, she said, 'That's why when you are alive, do something. Don't leave the world with just a blank piece of paper, having accomplished nothing.'.

To me, climbing from childhood, graduating from university, holding a stable job, and to die is not an accomplishment.
I want to help people. I yearn to help the needy.
I used to want to be an actress, because I like to entertain people, let them appreciate me for who I am, and make them smile.
I remember Miss Tan questioned me last year when my two friends passed away, "what's your purpose in life? think about it."
I have the answer.
My purpose in life has got to be meaningful, purposeful, eventful.
I want to help people.
I long to travel around countries to help animals, back then when I wanted to be a vet.
Now, I still want to travel around. But this time, to poorer countries, to help the needy. To travel to places where natural disasters occur, and save the victims.

I want to see their smiles,
I want to help people.
I want to change people's life for the better, be it through my mouth or actions.
I want to leave this world, having to change this world to a better place.
To change this world for a better place,
I HAVE to change myself, and I HAVE to start from myself.
For now, I have to study, get my degree, and I'll be there proving my purpose in life.

It's hard motivating myself to study,
but I'll TRY.

I'm STILL very upset about Bruce.L's lifestory.
No matter what, he's the one who motivated me. His determination to fulfill something, no matter how far it may be.

MJ's body will be preserved, like Mao.
I'm going to visit him some day.

If YOU are reading this:
Don't create false 'facts', and pretend nothing happen.
You can do anything you want to anyone.
There's a saying, ‘人在做，天在看'.
You're answerable to your own doings.

2009-06-26T22:02:00.002+08:00

Micheal Jackson's death was a shocking news not just to me, but his hard-core fans i guess.
I distinctly remember I 'first' listened to his songs in secondary school, 'Man in the mirror'.
After which, I introduced many that song, and went youtube to search for the videos.
One particular video showed him at his own concert, with DOZENS of fans screaming, crying their hearts out just because he appeared in person at the concert, to the extend some fainted.
His creation, the Moonwalk, is the most impressive one.
His dance, his songs, his scandals, everything.
At least, he didn't leave the world with a blank, unwritten paper; he lived a life with many events which he prolly would never regret.
He's an icon that has just left, vanished.
At least he's an idol whom many won't ever forget..
'If you wanna make the world a better place,
take a look at yourself,
and then make a change'
It relates to many of us, in our daily lifestyle.
He did change the world.
RIP.

Thanks to YM who messaged me at 7am just to tell me that -.-

On a lighter note, I've gotten another two day's MC.
Rot, rot, rot.
Mom was funny. She was hoping that I'd pass my illness to her sooo much just so that she wouldn't have to attend a function with dad tonight.

It happened yesterday:
mom: ehh, pass it to me, quick quick.
(reaches out for the bottle of water i was drinking)
dad reached home, happily boasting his new car to sis, asking her to test it. So both of them left to walk towards his car. I've just finished eating those pills, drinking huge amount of water from the same bottle and that's what happened:
mom: (frantically) QUICK, QUICK, PASS IT TO ME. LET ME DRINK! Don't let dad know.
drink, drink, drink.
me: wah lao. you might as well kiss me, a faster way.

that's how funny my mom was.
Yea, she has been entertaining me almost throughout my whole stay at home, watching the legend of Bruce Lee together, etc.

SOMEONE PLEASE MOTIVATE ME TO STUDY!

today's a happy day.
i guess things are back to normal for you and me, i hope.

grounded.

2009-06-24T20:31:00.002+08:00

Sorry for not being able to make it for the dinner today ):
Mom grounded me indirectly, claiming my resistance to those H1N1 bacteria is very low -.-

Thanks for those who showed concern!
C, thanks for the daisy and ms, though I doubt I'll see it soon.
Chun hui, thanks for coming down to pass those to me.

May I ask guys out there, do you go more for looks in a girl, or her character?
I bet majority is out of looks.
So many of you are blind then, including YOU.
Tsk.

MC!

2009-06-23T15:11:00.002+08:00

ROT, ROT & ROT.
I've gotten two day's MC. Down with flu and fever.
And i suspect it's Michele who passed it to me. TSK TSK.

It feels good not working, partially cos I'm unhappy working at Dad's company.
Yet, it feels sucky cos I'm rotting. Shall take the time to rest anyway.

I think I've inherited MOST of my mom's genes.
Money pumped in for food consumption, yet no matter what, I can't gain any weight.
I'm anaemic, just like her.
I can run a little faster, just like her. (She used to be in track and fields in primary school too)
The worse thing: Both of us will start shivering after consuming medicine that is given to us. No one in the family, but two of us will start feeling uneasy with our heart rates going up. Yea, that feeling sucks to the maximum.

I took a look at the paper which records our visit to this family doctor.
The last time i consulted her was last year's September, but i wasn't ill. Just that i fainted and hit my head, ended up with a bump and freaked my parents out -.-
So i guess the REAL last time when i fell ill was last year's June. That's one year back.
I'm healthy :D
Falling sick once in a while.

TXX's first day to school; have fun girl. I will be waiting for you to end school :D
I'm such a nice sister to accompany you and sit in your campus.

BYEBYE. off to rot, again.

2009-06-22T00:38:00.001+08:00

i have never been able to handle a relationship well.
i tend to disappoint people, upset them.
sorry, c.

Happy day.

2009-06-20T23:47:00.002+08:00

11 Messages received. Highest record!
Okay, to main point.

Very much thanks to Shirlyn, Michele, Jasmine, and Peng Tiong for making me so happy today.
After which, Rashal and Jeremy joined us at a later time which makes my day even MORE!

I think 4 of us almost went deaf with Jasmine's loud voice (like the usual), all the fun.
Really missed the times we'll hang out in school, out of school in the past. Always having Shirlyn and Jasmine quarreling within themselves, Michele and I portraying ourselves as the mature ones who just shake our head at the two lil' kids. Not to forget that TILL NOW, UP TO DATE, they are the ones who always create a scene, embarrassing us in public. Today was quite an unforgettable one. Thanks for that 'pink underwear' Shirlyn, i was laughed at by that ticko man.
P.S, i dont need so much attention when i hang out with you all okay!
And and, with Michele and I being the usual slow-eater.
Good memories (:

Mind Cafe is a nice place to hang out, except that it 'sucked' cos they don't accept NETS which i attempted to pay through, plus it's a little more expensive than Settlers' Cafe. Food were okay only and their apple tea drink is ___. Eventually you see 7 Peach Teas on the table.

The day ended fast, and it drained us out too, especially our voices. I've been degraded to a more manly voice.

HELLO SHIRLYN, I KNOW YOU'LL BE READING THIS:
THIS TIME, I'M BOOKING YOU THREE OUT OKAY (FINALLY). WEDNESDAY OK. CHOOSE THE PLACE YOURSELVES, NOT TOO FAR OKAY. (and not tooo expensive too) YOUR DEAR FRIEND HERE ISN'T THAT RICH :D thanks for today (:

无可救药

2009-06-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

Chun: Thanks for singing that song to me that night (:

暗恋是一种礼貌
暗地里盖一座城堡
然后再当你的警卫跑腿和小猫
随时你要我重灌电脑
随时你要我随传随到
买面包鸡排和水饺
你每次对着我笑
你的笑里面有毒药
我看着你出了神还丢掉了解药
可能你从来没感觉到
最好你永远感觉不到
爱上你越来越无可救药
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才慢慢体会到
幸福是被爱的人需要
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才狠狠决定要
就爱吧就唱吧就不逃
你每次对着我笑
你的笑里面有毒药
我看着你出了神还丢掉了解药
可能你从来没感觉到
最好你永远感觉不到
爱上你越来越无可救药
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才慢慢体会到
幸福是被爱的人需要
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才狠狠决定要
就爱吧就唱吧就不逃
爱你到无可救药
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才慢慢体会到
幸福是被爱的人需要
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才慢慢体会到
幸福是被爱的人需要
一天一天越来越无可救药
一生一次爱你到无可救药
我才狠狠决定要
就爱吧就唱吧就不逃
爱你到无可救药

A simple smile.

2009-06-18T20:36:00.003+08:00

It makes my day seeing how happy my mom was when I managed to buy the drama series which she has been looking for. It was out of stock at several outlets.

Just that day, I had to make my way home myself and passed by that lil' shop at Clementi. Was chatting on the phone with PTT half way when i chance upon that shop, and decided to try my luck. I bought the last piece :D

As I asked my mom to close her sexy eyes, i positioned the drama series in front of her eye. When she opened her eyes, she was smiling all the way. Of course, i had to lie that i forgot how much it cost. Who cares about how much it cost me. Seeing my mom smile so widely makes me even happier. Now she's hiding with my dad in their room watching it for hours.

Treasure your love ones; you will NEVER know what might happen to them the next minute. Life's unpredictable; don't regret not loving them enough only after you lose their presence.

A little 'secret', I miss having my mom caning me, scolding me ...etc.
I've walked through that phase in life where they will discipline me strictly. I doubt there's anymore chance for her to cane me :/
~~(She actually told me she was tired of caning me)~~
Well, I'm still glad they brought me up to have a good discipline. I hope i do.

Office office and office.

2009-06-17T22:38:00.003+08:00

Boo office work.
Boo, boo and boo.

Thank goodness I'm born to dislike office work, having my butt stick to the chair for looooong hours, to face office politics issue.
Bingo, I had mine today.
Oh well, learnt to understand that you can't trust anyone in there cos' there's just simply toooo many politics going on, too many backstabbing here and there.
'The only person you can complain too is daddy' that's damn right.
I wanna study, I don't care about the money, I just want to study -.-

Despite all the work load i face, the political issues within office, I still have the drivers who never fail to make my day. I used to find them a bore, to entertain them. But now, I can find the slightest joy in talking to them.
Ok, some may be ticko, but they're still nice to me. Chatting with me and congrats me for BTT, sending me home etc.
Simple words, and they could lighten my day (:

ONE MORE MONTH PLUS TO GO.
JIA YOU.

2009-06-16T23:32:00.002+08:00

happy 21st birthday tan xiao xuan!
(though this post is rather late)
adulthood now. all the best, lead a good, healthy and successful life! (:
you'll always have me supporting you for sure.

thanks for coming over,
for so many movies into my thumbdrive,
for entertainment, for those lil games in your iphone,
thanks for your time!
hope you've enjoyed the dinner too (:

2009-06-11T20:45:00.003+08:00

I need my rest,
I need my time to study,
I need my own free time.

Have been catching only late night movies D:
:
I thought Dance, Subaru was very good, though it made my water pipe leaked thrice.
The main female lead is so gorgeous, and the dance are very nice too. Especially the contemporary dance. A pity I don't really fancy ballet. Still, I LOVE the movie.
Another thing, that movie kind of made me tear cos' I can't imagine my life without TXX. The thoughts of losing her is so... SKIP!

IF only I could learn dance.

Monster VS Alien was hilarious! Watched it in the 3D format. Not really used to wearing the spectacles. Somehow, that's the thing which made cartoon movies worthwhile to watch in cinemas. Let's forget the few minutes which I dozed off cos' some parts were QUITE boring and that I was really tired from work. I like the ___suraus! She's damn fat, chubby, but adorable.

New movie coming up: Threads of Romance if I'm not wrong.
I guess I'll turn out to be emotional and start flooding the cinema since the short clip left a deep impact in me. That's if I'm going to watch it.

Get well soon Grandma!

2009-06-08T22:58:00.002+08:00

Got a haircut, and i like it :D At least my hair isn't screwed!

It's a monday D: Welcome, Monday-blues.
I'm too lazy to study tonight,
I'm too lazy to work tomorrow,
and I'm too lazy to even move away from the computer.

TXX's gotten the DSLITE which i bought for her. Mom has a share in it too. I myself enjoy SOME of the games. I still prefer PSP actually. Their functions and all. For DSLITE, the only thing that fantasise me is their system, not just touch screen, but the device which can actually recognise your voice and even 'blow'.

Cool!

It's over

2009-06-05T00:23:00.002+08:00

We've run out of words
We've run out of time
We've run out of reasons
Really, why are we together?
We both know it's over, baby
Bottom line
It's best we don't even talk at all

Don't call me even if I should cross your mind
Hard enough, I don't need to hear your voice on my messages
Let's just all it quits
Its probably better
So if I'm not returning your calls its cause

Cause I'm not coming back
I'm closing the door
I used to be tripping over missing you
But I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone
Baby, your picture's gone
I couldn't stand to see your smile
Every time you dial

Cause it's over
Girl, you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressing 7
Don't wanna hear your messages, messages
I'm tryin to erase you from my mind
Cause it's over
I swear it girl
It's over this time
So don't be callin leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you've been
Baby cause it's over

I still wake up every morning
Quarter to ten
I still eat my cereal
Right at the kitchen table
I can't even remember how long it's been
With no trouble staying occupied

They ask about you whenever I come around
I do what I can not to put my business in the streets
Last thing I need is another episode
Keep conversations short and sweet cause

Cause I'm not coming back
I'm closing the door
I used to be tripping over missing you
But I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone
Baby, your picture's gone
I couldn't stand to see your smile
Every time you dial

Cause it's over
Girl, you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressing 7
Don't wanna hear your messages, messages
I'm tryin to erase you from my mind
Cause it's over
I swear it girl
It's over this time
So don't be callin leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you've been
Baby cause it's over

You know that its over when the burning and yearning inside your heart
Ain't there anymore
And you know that you're through
When she don't do to you and move you
Like the way she moved you before
And you wanna pull her close
But your heart has froze
You kiss her but her eyes don't close
Then she goes
Out of your heart forever
And it hurts you but you know that it's better

Girl it's over
Girl, you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressing 7
Don't wanna hear your messages, messages
I'm tryin to erase you from my mind
Cause it's over
I swear it girl
It's over this time
So don't be callin leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you've been
Baby cause it's over

Cause it's over
Girl, you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressing 7
Don't wanna hear your messages, messages
I'm tryin to erase you from my mind
Cause it's over
I swear it girl
It's over this time
So don't be callin leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you've been
Baby cause it's over

nice song. it has been running through my mind for 1month plus for now.

On the road to recovery.

2009-06-03T22:26:00.002+08:00

Letter given, explanations given.
At least now, i feel so MUCH more relieved after giving my explanations, and i shall not care if it's gonna change anything since I've done my part to clarify things with sincerity. If things change for the better, of course, I'll be happy. But if otherwise, I will still be fine since i know i tried to change the situation for the better.

Feeling so much better after all the concern showered by my parents, you, you and you. There's nothing to be frightened about, and as long as I did the right thing, I'm happy enough. Everything's moving back to norm (:

Buck up

2009-06-02T20:17:00.002+08:00

I'm OFFICALLY shagged.
Office's work getting more and more hectic with me handling 10000x more work than i used to just 3 weeks back.
Life in office was heaven three weeks back. SLACK.
Now with two staff gone, workload is tripled, fourpled or whatever.

Now it's really draining my energy away from recent craps that was dumped at me, with the workloads. It's hard to juggle with my studies now that i REALLY get sleeping disorder, waking up at 5am for no reason. Yea, those who messages me should know. I have been eating much, much lesser too, as compared to the past when i'll just pop in junk food into my mouth whenever I'm free D: Okay, okay, i know all these will be over soon. Mom and txx agreed i should just work a few days a work, just enough to support myself till exams are over. Hope everything will be fine soon!

One last thing. i SERIOUSLY cant stand animal-cruelty. I actually cried over a bird, and i actually broke the scissors into two over a bird. Sounds stupid. Yes, just stop it, and don't do it in front of my face.

I've been moving on from that crap and many were right, there's nothing i can do, if people doesn't want to believe me, or to even hear me out. I know what i have been doing. So, I'm just moving on from this crap cos afterall, new people will come in to my life, people who will treasure me better.

Dreams.

2009-06-01T22:58:00.003+08:00

Who ever said that being a physiotherapist, or an architecture offer a 'lousy' future.
At least to me, physiotherapist has a stable job.
I enjoy seeing people recover, I love helping people and at least, it makes me happy helping people who needs help. At any point in time, a physiotherapist can just change someone's life.
Afterall, it's my interest to be a veternarian, or a physiotherapist, or a dietitian.
You still have to respect them at the end of the day cos they save lives.

Special thanks to Calvin since he hopes his name is brought up in my blog.
Thanks for the payment first, and thanks for being there (:

Explanations

2009-06-01T22:42:00.003+08:00

'There's no need explaining yourself to anyone,
for people who doesn't like you don't need it,
and people who understands you won't need it. '

well said.

Yikes

2009-05-27T14:24:00.000+08:00

I'm happy the way I am.
Affect me no more,
Let me lead my own life.

2009-05-20T11:00:00.001+08:00

We are fortunate, we have much more than what we need to be contented.
Never take things for granted for you will never know what you might lose.

I've learnt to protect myself.

2009-05-12T21:53:00.002+08:00

i'm tired.
but once i get through this, i can be a superwoman.

BCC. go for it.

2009-05-11T22:50:00.002+08:00

i thought she always haven't love me as much.

she called to office, asking me to get money from dad if i dont have any for my meal since sis's on mc. i did not.

she told dad to bring me out for lunch and take a break from work.
she told dad to give me money.
without me knowing it was her who asked dad to do so.

thank you mom.

2009-05-09T20:11:00.001+08:00

i dislike it when you're being such an attention-seeker.

2009-05-07T21:50:00.001+08:00

When nothing is improving, there's no point.

When will i even ever see the change.

2009-05-06T09:42:00.002+08:00

分手快乐，
祝你快乐，
你可以找到更好的。

分手快乐，
请你快乐，
挥别错的才能和对的相逢。

记得，要幸福。

2009-04-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

很想拥有自由，却不想有愧疚的感觉。。
一直盼望跟美好的一天，盼望着你会为我而改变得跟好。
好久没有满足，幸福的感觉。好久。。
失望，绝望。

是我要求太高，还是我们不适合？。。。

2009-04-29T11:02:00.000+08:00

天分与命运

2009-04-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

你们，相信缘分吗？

2009-03-12T00:31:00.001+08:00

I'm bored of my blog's template.
I'm sure readers are too.

Any suggestions?

2009-03-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

to my family, especially daddy and mommy.
thanks for standing by my side.

I love you all.

2009-03-06T00:08:00.000+08:00

Daddy & Mommy.

I don't know how i'll fare, but i'm pretty much certain that I'll disappoint you both yet again.
I'm sorry.

Pray for me, people.

2009-02-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

You're always right.
I'm always wrong to you,
cos you think i vent my anger for no reasons.
That I'm always too demanding.
That I'm unreasonable.

Whatever it is,
i guess it never come across your mind to what i've done for you ever since i met you.

i need a break.

2009-01-26T15:15:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Hope you all are having fun and have a great reunion with your love ones!
Gatherings are hard to come by, so treasure the time together!

Here's an update of what happened to my teeny weeny life on Chu Xi, and today, Chu Yi.
Chu Xi, as usual for my whole big family, we gather together. This year, exceptionally, almost everyone was present, except two or so. It's so much more crowded than the last four years. And this year besides steamboat, we gathered at that west coast housey and had BBQ too. Great time! Next was 'late-night' movie, a hongkong show which i doubt is more funny than Jack Neo's. Still, it's the gathering that i like most! 30 of us in a theatre with other strangers. Pretty crowded, and met a friend there. what a small world. Shagged.

Chu Yi was the best.
Despite lack of sleep, i still enjoyed myself very much. The gathering at my house, the temple, and west coast house with that fantastic lion dance. Update more. Heading malaysia now :D

Take care everyone and ENJOY!

2009-01-20T22:29:00.001+08:00

Someone, please provide me PSP games.
I'm taking long rides and i'm already bored of playing DJ max ever since last year.

2009-01-19T23:27:00.005+08:00

19th birthday.

Okay, it just shows how lazy i am. My birthday's a week before and im posting only now.
Still, just wanna drop a short post to thank those who havent forgotten my birthday. Of course, pretty disappointed with those whom i thought was supposed to remember my birthday since we were friends for years. Well still, i enjoyed the companionship, blessings that were given (:

Much thanks to Sacha, Willie, wanting, samuel, huilun, max, desmond, shengyong, huili, tommy, weixin, jeremy, teresa, amanda, jasmine, shieh yiin, lingdi, suhaila, szeying and noelle and of course, my family! and also those who wrote on my 'wall' or friendster comments. Haven't visit those two websites in a zillion years, so pardon me if i haven't thank you with your name listed out. Still, a big thank you cos a simple blessing brightens my day (:

Thank you Noelle for this surprising present! Im sure you spent alot, and alot, and alot of time trying to prepare this practical gift. I'll definitely put them into good use. Thanks once again for remembering us as Bolsters! Thanks for that cake-singing session too. And the card! Thanks for being there when i'm always down, which seems like most of the time. Ok, whatever i wanna thank you, i've said it repeatedly. Lastly, THANKS :D xoxo!

Thanks Chicken Szeying for the 100% panda present plus the Kungfu panda-cum-chicken little mini comic card and the other card. They were fantastic. That joke about what black eye. THANKS. That pillow's on my bed now, the card kept safetly in my drawers and the socks, will wear it when i date you out one fine day :D Thanks alot, especially when you're like forever busy trying to console me too. You did a great job in listening me out. Hope you enjoyed the dinner that day! And i wanna play basketball with you one sunny day (:

From my brother. Thanks for showing your concern when i was hospitalised. I was indeed surprised by how anxious you were when my blood pressure went low last year, with you rushing here and there between your patients and me. Honestly, im touched. I never expected you to be that caring. Now you're marrying soon, and i'm more than happy to be your bride's maid. I'm so glad to have you around at home at times and share your patient's story with me. Thank you for the every-year presents. I love them. :D

Tan xiao xuan! Mom told me you bought it though you signed under whole family! It must have cost you a bomb and i can totally picture the money left in your bank. Yes yes, this perfume has a fabulous scent and i don't even bear to use it. I told myself, even if i finish the whole perfume, the bottle remains and i can still keep it. But dang, i still cant bring myself to use it. I LOVE YOU TAN XIAO XUAN! with the nonsense talk we have at home, making each other laugh, or to have leg fights in your small lil cosy room with christian filming our mini cat-fight. Or yea, to have chocolate session, watch 'movies' in my pathetic room. You're the best sister any one can have, including Dajie :D :D :D And to my family, that's the best birthday card i've received cos i've never gotten a card which my parents signed on it.

TWINNIE! HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY! You totally surprised me cos you send that present my post! i haven't seen you in a while and i shall meet you soon to pass you your present! Remember our 21 years old deal okay. i cant believe we were friends since P4. Total cool-ness. THANKS ONCE AGAINNNNNNNNNN!

Thanks Shirlyn, Michele, and Jasmine for the treat at Seoul Garden! All the jokes came in, and i sure do miss those times (: 'you wanna dyee (die)' ? Really thanks for the treat cos i haven't got the chance to eat seoul garden! your bloating tummy yet still having that weeny space for dessert, the overflooding of nata de coco, with shirlyn being our main target, making the rest laugh like mad. That's sure my FIRST time laughing that hard that my neck hurts you know! THE MONTH OF FEBURARY IS COMING SOON! :D