A note to self / 11:09:00 PM

A shadow that is cast behind the smile.
The frown that is hidden behind the mask.

Now I started wondering as to how masks were even created.
Mr. X who wanted to hide his emotions behind it?
Or just that Mr. Y has a self-proclaimed 'ugly' face?

Not saying that I'm unhappy.
But I guess I'll have to learn to talk, when there's a need to.
I always end up contradicting with how I'm feeling inside, and worse still, bottle up all the frustrations which obviously and eventually leads to me being unhappy.

I was told, share it cos' the others won't know what I'm thinking.
But when I do so, I end up upsetting both parties.
At this point of time, as always, I feel like slapping myself.
I can't think what's right, what's wrong.
I can't make decisions.

I should be less harsh on myself instead of slapping myself with reality, my own definition of reality all the time.
I need to learn.

I need to be a better person...
For him, for my parents, my friends..
But ultimately, for myself, my own good.

Sigh.

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

A note to self / 11:09:00 PM

A shadow that is cast behind the smile.
The frown that is hidden behind the mask.

Now I started wondering as to how masks were even created.
Mr. X who wanted to hide his emotions behind it?
Or just that Mr. Y has a self-proclaimed 'ugly' face?

Not saying that I'm unhappy.
But I guess I'll have to learn to talk, when there's a need to.
I always end up contradicting with how I'm feeling inside, and worse still, bottle up all the frustrations which obviously and eventually leads to me being unhappy.

I was told, share it cos' the others won't know what I'm thinking.
But when I do so, I end up upsetting both parties.
At this point of time, as always, I feel like slapping myself.
I can't think what's right, what's wrong.
I can't make decisions.

I should be less harsh on myself instead of slapping myself with reality, my own definition of reality all the time.
I need to learn.

I need to be a better person...
For him, for my parents, my friends..
But ultimately, for myself, my own good.

Sigh.