Maturity the gold. / 8:51:00 PM

Where has all the mature people gone to?
I need more mature people in my life to spare me from an early departure from this world please.
I could just collapse from tachycardia, hyertension or cardiac arrest anytime now.
CODE BLUE, please stand by.

Inner peace, inner peace....

This little wilt piece of sunflower that is left estranged. / 11:24:00 AM

Down to two more papers, down to many more issues.

I thought I'd never be able to give just that little attention to anyone else anymore, for now at least.
I was wrong.

Unknowingly, I was dragged into a picture and we went into hiding.
Yes, literally.

'I cannot change the past to make the future better, but I can make the future to the best it can be'.
At last, I know the intentions and meaning behind these words.
Thank you, for wanting me to remember this.

Just as when I thought I have found solace, a wave just come clashing all that was built.
I have no idea how are we gonna make it through, or how long it's going to take for this tide to be over clean break.
When it's finally over, would there be acceptance?

Just like a metaphor, it was all like a fantasy, a dream.
Spelling out my thoughts on the music played seems to be the only form of way to express words that are hard to convey, other than distracting myself with tonnes of notes.
If tomorrow's paper was to be music, I would have scored.

There's too much to study, too much to decipher, too much to handle.
I will be back few days later.
I just need a load off my back and phew, it's slightly better now.

我，不完美。 / 10:55:00 PM

我，
只是个平凡的人，
没你想象中的完美。
我，
不值得。

人，
总矛盾。
很多话，难言。
很想说个明白，可没勇气。
友情 － 珍贵啊。。

你我，
再不舍得也得舍得。

有一天，你一定会幸福。
你，
加油。

Solace / 8:26:00 PM

Uh huh, an entry after more than a year.

As I grew older, I realize this page would be a place where I seek solace, not in hope that anyone would read it. I hope no one will, that they have long forgotten the existence of this little site.

Again, it has come to a point I just have to pen down my thoughts; let it be a secret between you and me.

So long, my longest confident.

You have been more than a friend - a close friend, or even the best friend I have had.
Time to time, I do not, did not know how, when, where to start a conversation to have my thoughts delivered to this messy earth. It's all cramped in my head and it's all messed up in there.
I hate knowing what you have done for me, the sacrifices, everything. I had to stop you, but I hate knowing things would change from then. It will, believe me.
I not blind; I sense, I feel, and I see what has been going on.
And I'm definitely clear what has been going on.

Tell me what to do.
I need the distance, but I need this friend.

.............
There, this little blog of mine.
I'm sorry you have been filled with too much agony of mine.
But don't worry, you are secret friend.

A note to self / 11:09:00 PM

A shadow that is cast behind the smile.
The frown that is hidden behind the mask.

Now I started wondering as to how masks were even created.
Mr. X who wanted to hide his emotions behind it?
Or just that Mr. Y has a self-proclaimed 'ugly' face?

Not saying that I'm unhappy.
But I guess I'll have to learn to talk, when there's a need to.
I always end up contradicting with how I'm feeling inside, and worse still, bottle up all the frustrations which obviously and eventually leads to me being unhappy.

I was told, share it cos' the others won't know what I'm thinking.
But when I do so, I end up upsetting both parties.
At this point of time, as always, I feel like slapping myself.
I can't think what's right, what's wrong.
I can't make decisions.

I should be less harsh on myself instead of slapping myself with reality, my own definition of reality all the time.
I need to learn.

I need to be a better person...
For him, for my parents, my friends..
But ultimately, for myself, my own good.

Sigh.

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

Maturity the gold. / 8:51:00 PM

Where has all the mature people gone to?
I need more mature people in my life to spare me from an early departure from this world please.
I could just collapse from tachycardia, hyertension or cardiac arrest anytime now.
CODE BLUE, please stand by.

Inner peace, inner peace....

This little wilt piece of sunflower that is left estranged. / 11:24:00 AM

Down to two more papers, down to many more issues.

I thought I'd never be able to give just that little attention to anyone else anymore, for now at least.
I was wrong.

Unknowingly, I was dragged into a picture and we went into hiding.
Yes, literally.

'I cannot change the past to make the future better, but I can make the future to the best it can be'.
At last, I know the intentions and meaning behind these words.
Thank you, for wanting me to remember this.

Just as when I thought I have found solace, a wave just come clashing all that was built.
I have no idea how are we gonna make it through, or how long it's going to take for this tide to be over clean break.
When it's finally over, would there be acceptance?

Just like a metaphor, it was all like a fantasy, a dream.
Spelling out my thoughts on the music played seems to be the only form of way to express words that are hard to convey, other than distracting myself with tonnes of notes.
If tomorrow's paper was to be music, I would have scored.

There's too much to study, too much to decipher, too much to handle.
I will be back few days later.
I just need a load off my back and phew, it's slightly better now.

我，不完美。 / 10:55:00 PM

我，
只是个平凡的人，
没你想象中的完美。
我，
不值得。

人，
总矛盾。
很多话，难言。
很想说个明白，可没勇气。
友情 － 珍贵啊。。

你我，
再不舍得也得舍得。

有一天，你一定会幸福。
你，
加油。

Solace / 8:26:00 PM

Uh huh, an entry after more than a year.

As I grew older, I realize this page would be a place where I seek solace, not in hope that anyone would read it. I hope no one will, that they have long forgotten the existence of this little site.

Again, it has come to a point I just have to pen down my thoughts; let it be a secret between you and me.

So long, my longest confident.

You have been more than a friend - a close friend, or even the best friend I have had.
Time to time, I do not, did not know how, when, where to start a conversation to have my thoughts delivered to this messy earth. It's all cramped in my head and it's all messed up in there.
I hate knowing what you have done for me, the sacrifices, everything. I had to stop you, but I hate knowing things would change from then. It will, believe me.
I not blind; I sense, I feel, and I see what has been going on.
And I'm definitely clear what has been going on.

Tell me what to do.
I need the distance, but I need this friend.

.............
There, this little blog of mine.
I'm sorry you have been filled with too much agony of mine.
But don't worry, you are secret friend.

A note to self / 11:09:00 PM

A shadow that is cast behind the smile.
The frown that is hidden behind the mask.

Now I started wondering as to how masks were even created.
Mr. X who wanted to hide his emotions behind it?
Or just that Mr. Y has a self-proclaimed 'ugly' face?

Not saying that I'm unhappy.
But I guess I'll have to learn to talk, when there's a need to.
I always end up contradicting with how I'm feeling inside, and worse still, bottle up all the frustrations which obviously and eventually leads to me being unhappy.

I was told, share it cos' the others won't know what I'm thinking.
But when I do so, I end up upsetting both parties.
At this point of time, as always, I feel like slapping myself.
I can't think what's right, what's wrong.
I can't make decisions.

I should be less harsh on myself instead of slapping myself with reality, my own definition of reality all the time.
I need to learn.

I need to be a better person...
For him, for my parents, my friends..
But ultimately, for myself, my own good.

Sigh.